I've got both my favourite DC talk c.d.s by my bed right now. A couple times I've wanted late-night-through-my-earphones music, and those made the cut. I don't know what it is about DC Talk that keeps my coming back. Maybe it's because when I first started listening to a lot of music for myself they were some of the originals. But I don't pull out RS James a whole lot anymore. And she was definitely on the list too.
Sometimes I want to bob my head to a little R.B.D. And other times I get contemplative to the Jars. Sometimes Linkin Park hits the spot and still other times I feel like reading to a little Creed. Toby Mac is my hyper music well Jennifer Knapp is a good anytime that makes me sing along. Occasionally I'll reach for my Evenesence and it's Eagles that get a lot of playing time in the car.
But I still come back to DC Talk in the end. And usually there's a song that's just right. It's just good music.

I am solo in this world of water
Only the tip of a sunrise visible
Like the morning light in a little girl's eyes
I crave this freedom...
And bitter is my temperament
I close the door to sentiment
And I relish all my youth
I realize that I am doomed
Fear of love and fear of You
But You give me the keys to paradise
It is You who sympathize
You and Your perfection grow
I am cradled in Your oceans throw
I crave Your freedom in this little ship
For You alone can chart my trip
And like these waves I lose my grip
And I sink into Your arms

Mmm, it's so nice to feel tired. If you can go to bed. Your own bed. You know the one. Perfect firmess and the lumps molded to your body. So nice to crawl into that bed, curl up beneath the blanket, pillow punched just right. 'Cause your head is really heavy.
And then your sore limbs relax, and you can't even raise your head to check the time, let alone change your position.
Not that I feel that way now mind you... *wink*
But everybody has at some point...
Right?

Summer hits with a vengence. I love summer. I love swimming, ice cream, and barefeet. But most of you already know that.
Meg just took off for Malaysia/Asia. She'll have fun. At least she'd better. How I wish I was going too.
I can't believe it's five months 'till I quit my job. Quit this life for a while. It seems close. But more often far away.
Do you have any idea how weird it'll be to sleep through nights, not to milk cows? No, I don't suppose you'd be able to imagine that.
And then my life is a blank again. But that's over a year away. So let's live in the moment. 'Cause life was meant to live.

It's now been thirteen years since the Stanley cup was home in Canada. I don't care as much as I could. But I'm gonna miss our hockey and nacho nights.
I'm still a little sore from our hike up the mountain (no my Saskatchewan friends. It was higher then your idea of a mountain). It was the best bad camping trip I've been on in a while. Ever slept at thirty degrees on a sharp rocky surface? But it was kinda fun.
I'm going on Katimavik. At least if my medical and criminal records pass the test. They should unless being perfect in disallowed. Nine months with a random bunch of people doing random work in random places. God, I'm hoping you'll take care of that for me.
But I still have a lot of months of this life to go. It's a good life. I like it. I'm just about ready to do something else though.

Why is it that people like to push themselves to the breaking point? What is it about seeing how far you can go? Why do we climb mountains, run marathons, have to see what's out there?
I have a fascination with how far the human body can be pushed. I like watching gymnastics just because it amazes me every time to see a human spring themselves into a triple flip.
I love free falling. Flying through the air. I throw myself around on the trampoline for the rush. I love jumping. Clearing a certain obstacle is a high. I was the little kid that fell off of chairs and laughed. I remember wishing I could fall and know I wouldn't get hurt.
I have a big map of the world hanging on my living room wall. I like maps I think they look cool. They're inspirational. Like a big window to adventure, that's stuck shut, but still lets you dream. But at the same time they're discouraging. How do so many things manage to be both? To look at it, the world is so big. Yes, o.k. It does seem small sometimes. But I'll never be able to fit as much of it in as I want. Or maybe life is too short.
Why do we always want to go farther? What do we hate so much about failure? Do we want to prove to ourselves that we can conquer?
How come we like the feeling of adrenaline? We arrange for artificial hits. Rollar coasters and such. And if our brushes near the edge are still contained we go out looking for more.
Or is it just me?
Do the mellowest of us have deep streaks that want to see more? That are beaten down by their common sense? Do the armchair athletes keep watching because it's the closest they can get to the glory and the thrill of a win? Is there no such thing as not being competitive? Or does everyone have a hidden side that wants to win. That longs to be the best?
Do we all daydream? Does everyone have some that are based on the human quest for glory, greatness, thrill? The unknown, the edge, the adventure? Pushing themselves to where they've never gone before?
It takes all kinds to make a world. It's the Mother's that raise the daredevils, the scientists, the athletes. It's the faithful labourers that make life possible for us by living their lives for themselves. The farmers that live the simple, good, and fulfilling life. And I say, good for them.
But, I only ask this. Do we all want to push out somewhere, somehow?

I love it when I can list good things about my life.
1. I spent all day shopping and buying stuff. And not in my hometown.
2. Meg is home for four days.
3. Summer is beginning.
4. I have a four day weekend coming up.
5. There are two cool things I can do tomorrow evening.
6. I have two new cool tapes that I got for 25 cents each.
7. I spent yesterday hanging out and talking with friends I don't see enough off.
8. My future is undecided. And I'm liking it.
9. I'm going to get flames on my car.
10. And my bro is going to help me clean it out.
11. I'm going garage saleing.
That's good things. To even things out a bit my bad list goes as so.
1. I'm sunburnt.
2. I have to work again tomorrow.
3. I can't do both things tomorrow evening.
4. Judo is just about over.
5. I'm going to turn 20 this summer.
6. I'm working this summer well Meg goes to Malaysia.
7. I spent a lot of money today.
8. My future is undecided. And I don't know what I want.
So, before I get myself off my high, I'm going to quit with this list and sign out.

I have thrice had people tell me they don't recognize me when I'm not wearing my gi. Should I take this as a compliment?

I'm sitting around in those fifteen minutes before work. You know how it is, watching the minutes tick by, waiting to see if you can hit the end of the chapter. Knowing one more shift and you're done for a couple days. And it's not even that work's that bad. It's just that you really like you're free time. Although a lot more so when you have less of it. Which is sort of the case lately. Although not all that bad.
So, you're housesitting. So you sit down at the laptop (I love laptops. I really kinda want a laptop) and just see what you can get out in those fifteen minutes. Because there's really nothing on t.v. And you don't feel like doing anything better with you're free time.
I'm really glad I don't have animals. Too much responsibility. Like, you can't spontaneously spend the the night. Because there's dogs to be fed. And I'm really not into indoor animals. At all. Unless they're fish and they stay in the tank. In which case they just look kind of cool.
And I'm sore. Which is my good excuse not to be moving around. Because, you know. I can't move around when I can't even touch my toes. Thanks to God for hard-core judo sessions. And I'm serious. Otherwise I probably wouldn't be motivated to get off the couch.
So tomorrow I'm going to the dojo to watch a kendo demonstration with some lady from Japan. Swords are cool. I don't think they're all that practical in today's world. But they're still really cool.
And then I've got biblestudy, which I need to find out if I need to plan something for.
Then there's my doctor appointment. Which is really just a physical. Which better be kept pretty basic. Hello, I'm healthy (and in the basement, again) and a virgin (no stds here) and you delivered me (so you kind of know my medical history). Now just check off the dang boxes.
And then I really hope my criminal record check gets finished in time. Because I don't want to pay for a stupid physical for nothing. But I'd decided to follow through in this whole applying to Katimavik thing. And let God deal with the rest. But do I really want to quit my job on the farm? Man, who thought I would get attatched to it. Com'on. It's a good life. And I kinda got it made. And I'm good at it.
Time is ticking. Do I really want to attack this?
And then my sister is leaving. My kid sister. My current confidant, if anyone deserves the title. She know's me better then anyone. And she's fun. If you can just ignore her when she's in a bad mood. And if you understand her. Which I do both. So I guess I'm missing her already. Which sucks. I mean, it's not like I live with them or anything. I just like knowing that she's there.
But the whole point is that she's my kid sister. She's not supposed to be moving on. Even if it's just for a five week practicum. What's next? I'm the only one that's supposed to move on. She's supposed to be there For when I need someone to dance with or to motivate me to eat more vegetables.
Shoot. There goes my alarm. Which means I have five more minutes, then work. And then, begin my weekend, baby!
Peace ya'll. And sorry about the wacked out blog post.

I just found out yc is sold out for this year. That really sucks. Because I really wanted to do the concert thing. And I hear yc is the best. And I've only got a precious four months of teenage years to go. And Audio Adrenaline is going to be there. And we were just going to fill up my car and go. And I've never been to Edmonton. And it was going to be fun.
Now I'll probably end up running off to an eminem or slipknot concert, or something, to make up for it.
Kidding.

How can it be snowing? How can I be sitting here in a friends warm sweater? How can I be missing poker to go out for supper? How can I be sitting using free internet? How can I be working in my area of expertise? How can my sister be in the next room? How did I have cream cheese and nutella on toast for lunch?
Ah, it's good to be home.