Someone asked me how I had changed in the last several years, and then actually stood and waited for an answer. I couldn't give one. I thought and hummed and hawed but I really could sum up whatever it is that's different in me then when I was sixteen. I know I'm different. I even know what some of those differences are. But it's only in my mind. I can't tell you how I've changed.
"Oh comon. You're the one that's so good with words"
*secretly happy* "No I'm not"
Anyway, I got away with saying I'd grown up a bit. But now it's bothering me, the not being able to put it into words. So I bring you this,
I've taken to chewing gum. Nothing new, dramatic, or surprizing about that. I carry it around in my purse (called artillery bag by my dear father). There are, however, several new and surprizing things that I only just realized. And it was sad.
I'm not constantly chewing it. Just, every now and then I'll say to myself, "self, you feel like some gum". This from the girl who never used to be able to make her chocolate Easter bunnies last longer then a few days. But now that gum sits in my purse and only comes out when the mood strikes.
This is what bothers me. I buy the stuff that slides out of the cardboard and comes in squares hardly bigger then smarties that rest in foil covered individual areas. You get the picture. I go for names like dentyne and excel. And every kind I buy is sugarless. I don't do it on purpose. But when I get around to looking it will inevitably state "sugar free". Take that sugar chick! I get flavours like cherry ice, cool spearmint, and *gasp* dentyne intense.
I don't know when this happens. I used to be the queen of bubbulicious. I had all the flavours listed in order of favouritness, starting with paradise punch and ending with lemonade. I would chew a pack at a time, letting it sit on the microwave overnight and making it last a week. I could blow bubbles bigger then my head. So large, in fact, that I would even impress myself. Now I actually throw the stuff away after one chewing and am content with a square at a time. Bubbles, whatever.
I very nearly used to snub the stuff I chew now. Hey, didn't only adults chew it in order to freshen their breath? You couldn't chew it. and bubbles were out of the question. What the heck was gum if not bubbles, sugar, and artificial flavour? Heck, the stupid mint "gum" near burned my mouth. the stuff wasn't even enjoyable!
So that why it scares me. Because that very nearly slipped by without me noticing. And, really, I think I like the idea of being a bubblicious self better.
But hey, I still buy the Juicy Fruit when I feel young and carefree. Small squares, yes. Sugarless, admittidely. But not a hint of mint!

I have about five minutes. That's all of enough time to say,
judo and hockey are tied as the world's best sports.
These are followed by volleyball and basketball,
which are followed by downhill skiing and snowboarding (hey, it's fun to watch).
Then, soccer.
So what if I can't play any of them. They're fun anyway. And it all depends on what mood I'm in.
Now, dare I be stupid enough to post such a stupid post?

Gossip is vicious. Yup we all know that. Gossip is evil, we know that too. And, we all know the argument that it's mentioned in the same sentence as murder when it comes to the bible.
So what is gossip? I have come to the conclusion that it's a deliberate tearing down of someone. There's the telling of facts, maybe it isn't right, but I don't think it's as wrong as malicious spreading of rumours. I live in a small town where "gossip" is rampant. I know everyone else's reputation. I know their weaknesses, what every one hates about them. What they think about them. I know who likes who, who's going out, who's breaking up. So and so smokes, what's 'is face is engaged, those people's wedding is off. Little tidbits float around. Sometimes I hear them later then most, sometimes earlier. Generally I hear someone's rendition of someone else's tale. People generally don't come up and tell me about themselves. I think they'de be smarter to. That way I know it, they know I know it, I know I've gotten facts, and they'de have control over my first immpressions.
I havn't done much worth whispering about. But I know bits of me get talked about to. What annoying traits I have. Why I am this way, what I should change. Weather or not I make good decisions, ect. And I'm even one of the least exciting people around. Not much in the way of scandals here, I'm afraid.
Then there's the real caring gossip. Where you actually want to help somebody (rare).
Or the helpful gossip (watch you belongings, 'cause he shoplifted from my mom's work).
Or the curious gossip (Did she, really? No. Wow.)
whatever of that qualifies as gossip, that is.
Everything is just generally discussed. And backs covered (but I don't think she could help it)(it's not his fault)(but...). Private opinions voiced (it's digusting)(That's something they didn't want to bring out)(Man, the kid is 15).
Everything is generally discussed. And it doesn't really bug me. A friend said "I gossip about everyone and I know they're gossiping about me." It would just be nice if, sometimes, people would just, you know, talk on occasion.

Dang! I just lost a super long post!

For some reason I'm not quite ready to go back to work tomorrow. Not that I reallyreally mind but it feels like it should be a day off. For whatever reason. It will look something like this.
work
hockey
2nd Thanksgiving dinner at friend's (Did John tell you I called?)
work.
But I suppose I didn't really come on here to say that.
Thanksgiving. a few things to be thankful for (and only a few)
my family
my friends
my house
my car
my job
my freedom
my life
my health
sports
books
days off
laughter
icecream
music
and much much more
2 things I wanted to share about work. Positive, of course.
1. When I go to bring in the mastitis cows there are two little calfs in the pen next to them who run up when they see me. I scatch their ears and then they suck my fingers. In a way it almost tickles and simply makes me chuckle in glee (plus, it helps that I'm usually mostly awake by this time)
2. I threw straw yesterday. And it was glorious. The sun started to come up. My breath was creating miniture clouds in the air. If felt so country and farmer. I got in the rythm. place hands, pick up, rotate, set down. It was just genuine, and alive. And somehow right with the world.
But now they want me to do hay tomorrow. To anyone who doesn't know, hay is a heck of a lot heavier.
Ah well. Thankfullness, Kris. Thankfullness.

My back is messed.
I was kneed so hard in judo that my crotch still hurts even though I'm female.
My arm has taken on a stiffness that I cannot explain.
One would think I was getting old, or something. But I'm not. No, I refuse to get old. Young and immature forever!
I live in a society that's fixtated with youth. Civilizations of that past and currently all over the world have respected their elders. Indeed, looked at them as fountains of wisdom. But not in twenty first century north America. Not in this era and society where computer edited faces stare at us from the check-out line. People go through mid-life crisis, women pump themselves full of botox. Aging men who can finally afford it buy themselves hot cars. Stick figures stride down the runway. Our aging, those who struggled to bring us to where we are now, are stuck in nursing homes.
We practically worship our youth. They're not expected to take on responsibility. Crimes they commit are hushed and covered up. They "hang out" wherever and wherever they like. Creative talents, limitless ability, and physical primness is often wasted because they aren't taught how to manage themselves. They aren't expected to be able to think for themselves.
I went to get a cell phone, but no, not possible without a parents signature. So onto the insurance place, where I needed to bring my Dad along again. I'm apparently not capable of knowing right from wrong or taking care of myself. I certainly can't own a house. Not even a full drivers license. All because I'm not yet nineteen.
Yet I can get an abortion and my parents need never know about it.
Something tells me I can thank my peers for all this distrust and stereotyping.
Pick any time in history up until the last hundred years. By now I would be expected to be married and have three kids. Please don't get shocked yet. I'm not trying to insinuate that girls should be packaged housewives by time they hit puberty. I'm just making the point that we are actually capable of more then graffiti and pre-marital sex free of responsibility. Just ask it of us. We've led armies into battle. Created works of art, written incredible music. We've changed time, pushed the norm. And we should. We're young, crammed full of energy, and not yet stuck in our ways.
It wasn't until the fifties when the term teenager even existed. By time you were old enough you were expected to "grow up". Yet somehow about the time we became advanced enough we allowed our young to fall into a new category. We don't need them to help at home or do the labour anymore. Maybe it's easier that way. Easier for them and easier for us. Stuck in highschool for eight hours a day where we are bored, brainwashed, and finally set free tired and sick of "being productive".
So we rebel. But what the heck do they expect?
Now that I've said all that, I really did love my teen years. And I think we should have a shot at that in between time where we're not kids but not quite adults. Just, please. Encourage us show what we've got. To learn where we can, and reap what we sow. And then don't be surprised to see us blossom.
Yes, I live in a society fixtated by youth. I fall into it so easy myself. No wonder we don't want to grow up.
And I refuse to. I'm invincible. Remember, I'm young!

Currently life is a bit different then I've known it for the past few years (go figure). One of the differences is I actually can always find some sort of productive thing to fill every waking hour. Which means reading becomes a novelty. Sitting about is an absolute time waster. Hanging out with friends is a survival tatic. And one which is on my list above cleaning and such. I've letters that were meant to be written weeks ago, books that are months old and still untouched, and boxes sitting on my kitchen floor.
I remember last year I would anticipate judo simply because there was nothing much to fill my time as it came. Now I anticipate it because it's a fun break in a crazy life. Sleep is actually a limited part of life. I never find time to lie on my bed and listen to music. Cooking is and interesting idea of something people with time do. The rest of us eat mini-wheats, yogurt, and chocolate chips. Somewhere along the line shopping, cleaning, and organizing the bathroom wriggled their way onto my "to do" list. Not near the top, admittedly, but there none the less.
I think I can manage it verily well. My priorities are perhaps in different order then most housekeepers. My morning nap (say, 8 to 11) comes in above most other. I always knew that when out on my own I wouldn't be one to panic because the floor needed mopping. And I would certainly never turn down a good time because I had errends to run. I do that enough due to work.

A Fish Story

Yesterday Kristen and I went to nearby city name here, to raid the second hand stores and have a good time. After we had done that, we decided to go for a walk in the woods. So we did. We walked, and walked, and walked, up hill and down, fording canyons, climbing mountains, till we came to a beautiful mountain lake. We waded in the crystal clear waters until our feet almost had hypothermia, and then we decided to go fishing. Now i realize this was an illegal decision, but we had to survive somehow! We had no food. Only our jack knives, the clothes on our back, an etch-a-sketch, and Kristen's purse. By some great good luck we found a fish hook, about 25 feet of fishing line, a weight, a stick, and a pine cone for a float. So we fished. We could see the fish swimming around, great huge things. We could tell they were huge because everyone knows that if fish look small in the water, they are really huge. And they were smart. They kept jumping out in the middle of the lake, taunting us. For bait we had a piece of yellow string on our hook, that looked remarkably like a worm, and a fly that Kris caught. So we sat there and watched the huge fish come closer and closer. They circled. They swam away. They brought their buddies. Then this particularly large one came right up to the hook, and we thought we had him - almost - just another inch - here fishy fishy! - that's right - nibble nibble - SPLASH! A muskrat dove into the lake and scared it away. We were that close! But, alas, it got away.
------------------------------------
okay. who can deduce from that what really happened?
corrianne

She stood next to the stall. Her arms buried deep in the midst of some cow covered in udder rub, iodine, and, well, waste. There was also a pair of gloves if you bothered to look hard enough. She was rubbing vigorously in a futile attempt to cure the poor animal of it's mastitis. It was then she noticed him looking at her. A cheeky smile upon his face. She should have expected his next question. But because she was young, innocent, and different then most, she did not.
"So is Kristen courting anyone?"
the milking machine was turned off, so it was not possible that she had misheard. Yet her reply was unmistakable.
"Who?" Her voice betrayed her disbelief before she had time to hold it down. She knew no Christian. Other then the nine year old in New York. And he could not possibly mean herself.
"Kristen." This time there was no mistaking the name. His smile remained as though he did not fully understand what the shock in her voice had easily conveyed.
Despite a rapidly racing mind she had no time to come up with a more witty reply then,
"No." This time there was she was over disbelief and her voice contained none other then mirth equal to, and perhaps surpassing, his. She found the very idea humorous.
Immediately after the word had passed her full and pale lips she regretted not adding "heck". More adamant.
"That's o.k. Nothing wrong with that."
She returned to her work but something remained on her mind. Was She supposed to think there was something wrong with it? Was every girl meant to yearn after male companionship of a more intimate kind? Did every girl want a boyfriend? How can you possibly have as much fun if you're not single? Especially in the courtship type relationship where it takes forever to get passed holding hands. What exactly was wrong with going through life figuring that if the right person comes along at the right time, that's cool. And if not, more power!
Also another question tugged at her mind. Was it still expected that homeschoolers couldn't possible date? Clearly she was expected to pursue any relationship through courtship. And who freakin cared what you called it anyway. A couple is a couple. Note the period at the end of the sentence.
And what exactly is she doing posting this in her blog anyway?

have you ever had this feeling that you're playing house on a very major level. Only my current game is a bit different then the ones I played as a kid. First of all, no husband or kid's of my size and intelligence, I need not spend my days cooking. And somehow I don't ever remember needing to go to work in those childhood senerios.
But there definitely are similarities. Heck, I own a house, I drive a car. I shop, do cook on occasion, and even bother with a bit of cleaning now and then. All the same, it's just life in a slightly different way. A different place to come home to. A different set of rules, and a bunch more freedom accompanying that responsibility. Only, I don't think it's quite a fair trade, because it looks like this. I have the responsibility to get up and go to work. I also have the freedom to sleep in if I want to. Somehow the responsibility always wins out.
What else? The Fall Fair came to pass between now and my last post. Ahh, country fairs. Somewhat dull, low quality, and time consuming. Somehow I remember them being a highlight of the year. And it was still o.k. Just not as good as I remember. Probably has something to do with,
A. Not having my typical Fair friend (Cor, and possibly Rach) to wonder around with. Cor got sick (how you feeling, by the way?).
B. Not having entered anything for the first time in absolutely forever.
Anyway, this morning I got up an hour early (meaning 2:15) on accident. Proceeded to get dressed and drive to work before finally realizing my mistake. Blond! So I huddled in my car for an hour until it was really time fore milking. However, the result is currently a very tired me. I did get the afternoon off, and used it to wander the fair. But work went late in the morning. Had to help throw a couple hundred bales of straw. My part on the line was the easy one though, just moving them from belt to belt. Sometimes being the girl comes in handy.
Also a tad sore. Judo has started up again for the year. It's good to have something like that to keep me going. Or not. But yup, I enjoy it. Also remotely thinking of starting hockey this year. Setbacks, I don't think Meg would appreciate me joining the team (she's goalie). I don't want to pay for the priviledge, and I'm not outfitted with equipment. Oh well, it is a great sport though (speaking of which Canada just beat out Russia for the world cup in sudden death ot tonight). But I probably won't even be able to play homeschool hockey this year as work tends to interfere with things I want to do. Oh well, Maybe I'll be able to get it off.
Anyway, perhaps I ought to go be social. So I suppose that's it for now.
And to give me a little more motivation, WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE COMMENT (even a fake person would be nice *G*)?