Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Here is one of the ironies of life. You live in a small town (if you don't really then I'm being hypothetical). Life is good. But eventually that small town gets kinda dull, even though you love it. Or maybe it's the small town job. And a few extended live-in-a-bus deals don't quite cut it. So you find something else.
In this hypothetical case it's a volunteer opportunity. A little crazy maybe. You're giving up a years working potential, or a possible first year schooling to throw yourself into an unknown town with unknown people doing unknown work. On top of that, the unknown town is still going to be in your hometown.
Follow me so far? Yeah. A little crazy maybe. But hopefully good. You get accepted and follow through with occasional news from the front. You get the names of the places your going, and you give your leave at that small town job. A good job, don't get me wrong. It's just that two years is a really long time if you're twenty and the work eventually gets monotonous. Especially if you crave experience, adventure, and a little living.
Time passes. You bemoan the loss of tradition, the year away, and whether you're crazy for doing something a little crazy. But other then that you get a little excited. This small town is such a part of who you are, so you kinda want to see how much exactly, and who you'll be without it.
The wait seems long. Then, suddenly, you realize time has passed. And all of a sudden something goes wrong. There's people to see, things to do. You remember all the back burner plans you formulated that you want to see happen. You think of all the friends you never hung-out with enough. You realize you'll come back to brothers who are taller then you and acquaintances who'll be married. Your farm will go on without you, a few e-mails later people will start to forget you, and you know this, because it's happened to you before.
So even though your still that intense weird combination of nervous excitement you wonder if it's maybe not worth it.
The irony? The minute you realize you're leaving there's way more to stay for. You get closer to people, you see so much left un-done. Even if inside you know it's because you're leaving. You put a little more work into all those relationships and a little more motivation in to making things happen. And, on top of that, if you hate change you contemplate everything it'll mean.
Still, you know if you don't live you'll regret it. And that...that is your biggest fear. So you count the days and cram your time and wish you could be several people at once.

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