Thursday, March 03, 2011

Lonely Again

My room mate is leaving tomorrow and I'd be lying if I said I'm not even a little bit sad.

Not because she's the best room mate I've ever had.  She's not.  Not because we spent a lot of time together.  We didn't.  I alternate between sadness and very glad that never again will she eat all my food when I'm not looking.  Never again will I have to listen to her boyfriend and her at 2:00 AM through cardboard walls.  Never again will all the dishes and the salt shaker end up in a pile on her bedroom floor.  Never again will she leave the toilet paper empty and the lights all on.  Never again will....  Umm...  That's it actually.  She's a beautiful (and incredibly hot) seventeen year old who's sweet and mostly pretty considerate.

She makes me want to mother her.  Not to worry.  I never treated her as anything but an adult.

I'm also kind of excited for her.  Because she's excited with the excitement of a seventeen year old who's never headed out on her own.  And I'm a little bit jealous because she's going on a road trip with the boy she loves to plans she's optimistically thrilled about.

Oh, to be seventeen again...

But I'm sad.  Because I'm not nearly as optimistic as she is.  Because we'll never eat popsicles for breakfast and talk about travel plans together again.  Because I never met her brother, never saw her step-dad's straw house construction, never talked to her about things I think are most important.  She taught me I'm not quite as confrontational as I think I am.  Especially with someone I don't know and wish I did.

And I'm selfishly sad.  Because I know in two weeks I'll be talking to myself again.  I'll be sitting on my couch eating a meal I cooked for myself.  I'll realize I'm more comfortable if I know someone else will come home.  Or that, even if she rarely emerges, there's someone else in my other room.  And I'll realize How much I don't like living alone.


Tabs A. Geek said...

When my roommates ditched (slightly diff scenario though... ours was a huge blow-out), I went through that for a bit as well. It was hard, and I know I often avoided going home because I didn't want to be there alone.

*hugs* If I were moving to BC and/or lived there, I would totally apply to be your new roomie.

Kris said...

And I would totally accept!

Anonymous said...

Yah, my roomies and I are splitting ways in a couple weeks too. Them to go home, me to go back to a clinic full of need and a city full of smog. Yah, it's kind of lonely. What will I do without my nightly debrief? Without someone to make me vegan pancakes and share the peanut butter jar with?

Angel1649 said...

I haven't ever had a roommate but my ex-husband. I'm getting one soon just to help financially and reading this post had me almost to tears. Especially the "to be seventeen again" sentiment. ahhh those were the years. Kris, I know it's going to be hard to be alone for a while, but if you need anything...even just a chat. You have my number. Just shout :D

Kris said...

Thanks for commenting, Meg.

And, Angela. This was a really awesome comment. I mean, I shouldn't be happy that you were "almost in tears." But I guess I got my sentiment across.

I hope your new room mate works out! It's a pretty big deal, living with someone.

I'm also glad you understand my nostalgia for seventeen. :)

Nicole said...

This was beautifully written.

Living alone can be really difficult sometimes, but also kind of rewarding. It really depends on how you approach it. Good luck <3

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