I almost did it. I almost turned twenty without talking about it here as well. Because it's an event better ignored. If I ignore it then it can't change anything. How can it change anything anyway? I've been working full time since I was seventeen, living on my own since I was eighteen, paying taxes, being independant, driving a car, and living in the adult world for two years. So changing the numbers that are my age will change any of that. And it won't change anything else.
It won't change the fact that the car has flames and no back window. I'll still spend my weekends reading on the couch, or hanging out with friends. I'll still listen to the same music, laugh at the same things, and twenty is no need to grow up.
So, face it folks. The girl insists on being nineteen for a little longer.

I had the most amazing week. I really really did. No work, lots of play. Volleyball on the beach, late nights around the fire, kayaking on the lake, wrestling in the sand. Cousins I don't see a whole lot of. It was family reunion 2006, and so far, so good.
And then, on the way home, I sideswiped a lady's new explorer. Partly my fault, partly hers. My flames are now all bashed up, but that's about it. Her bumper is scratched but not that bad, but if she insists on getting it replaced it will cost a lot. Three kids in my car, two in hers. And nobody with a scratch. So thanks God for that! But my insurance had run out about a week before. So an incredibly stressful end.
Pray for it, please.

Strapping on the old gold helmet. Remnant of my days when my parents rode on their dates on his Honda. Hopping on the back of our Yamaha 100. "Betsy Sue". I think I went along just for the ride. It'd been too long. wind rushing by and curious looks.
I really need to get my bike license. Oh, and a bike.

I've got both my favourite DC talk c.d.s by my bed right now. A couple times I've wanted late-night-through-my-earphones music, and those made the cut. I don't know what it is about DC Talk that keeps my coming back. Maybe it's because when I first started listening to a lot of music for myself they were some of the originals. But I don't pull out RS James a whole lot anymore. And she was definitely on the list too.
Sometimes I want to bob my head to a little R.B.D. And other times I get contemplative to the Jars. Sometimes Linkin Park hits the spot and still other times I feel like reading to a little Creed. Toby Mac is my hyper music well Jennifer Knapp is a good anytime that makes me sing along. Occasionally I'll reach for my Evenesence and it's Eagles that get a lot of playing time in the car.
But I still come back to DC Talk in the end. And usually there's a song that's just right. It's just good music.

I am solo in this world of water
Only the tip of a sunrise visible
Like the morning light in a little girl's eyes
I crave this freedom...
And bitter is my temperament
I close the door to sentiment
And I relish all my youth
I realize that I am doomed
Fear of love and fear of You
But You give me the keys to paradise
It is You who sympathize
You and Your perfection grow
I am cradled in Your oceans throw
I crave Your freedom in this little ship
For You alone can chart my trip
And like these waves I lose my grip
And I sink into Your arms

Mmm, it's so nice to feel tired. If you can go to bed. Your own bed. You know the one. Perfect firmess and the lumps molded to your body. So nice to crawl into that bed, curl up beneath the blanket, pillow punched just right. 'Cause your head is really heavy.
And then your sore limbs relax, and you can't even raise your head to check the time, let alone change your position.
Not that I feel that way now mind you... *wink*
But everybody has at some point...
Right?

Summer hits with a vengence. I love summer. I love swimming, ice cream, and barefeet. But most of you already know that.
Meg just took off for Malaysia/Asia. She'll have fun. At least she'd better. How I wish I was going too.
I can't believe it's five months 'till I quit my job. Quit this life for a while. It seems close. But more often far away.
Do you have any idea how weird it'll be to sleep through nights, not to milk cows? No, I don't suppose you'd be able to imagine that.
And then my life is a blank again. But that's over a year away. So let's live in the moment. 'Cause life was meant to live.

It's now been thirteen years since the Stanley cup was home in Canada. I don't care as much as I could. But I'm gonna miss our hockey and nacho nights.
I'm still a little sore from our hike up the mountain (no my Saskatchewan friends. It was higher then your idea of a mountain). It was the best bad camping trip I've been on in a while. Ever slept at thirty degrees on a sharp rocky surface? But it was kinda fun.
I'm going on Katimavik. At least if my medical and criminal records pass the test. They should unless being perfect in disallowed. Nine months with a random bunch of people doing random work in random places. God, I'm hoping you'll take care of that for me.
But I still have a lot of months of this life to go. It's a good life. I like it. I'm just about ready to do something else though.

Why is it that people like to push themselves to the breaking point? What is it about seeing how far you can go? Why do we climb mountains, run marathons, have to see what's out there?
I have a fascination with how far the human body can be pushed. I like watching gymnastics just because it amazes me every time to see a human spring themselves into a triple flip.
I love free falling. Flying through the air. I throw myself around on the trampoline for the rush. I love jumping. Clearing a certain obstacle is a high. I was the little kid that fell off of chairs and laughed. I remember wishing I could fall and know I wouldn't get hurt.
I have a big map of the world hanging on my living room wall. I like maps I think they look cool. They're inspirational. Like a big window to adventure, that's stuck shut, but still lets you dream. But at the same time they're discouraging. How do so many things manage to be both? To look at it, the world is so big. Yes, o.k. It does seem small sometimes. But I'll never be able to fit as much of it in as I want. Or maybe life is too short.
Why do we always want to go farther? What do we hate so much about failure? Do we want to prove to ourselves that we can conquer?
How come we like the feeling of adrenaline? We arrange for artificial hits. Rollar coasters and such. And if our brushes near the edge are still contained we go out looking for more.
Or is it just me?
Do the mellowest of us have deep streaks that want to see more? That are beaten down by their common sense? Do the armchair athletes keep watching because it's the closest they can get to the glory and the thrill of a win? Is there no such thing as not being competitive? Or does everyone have a hidden side that wants to win. That longs to be the best?
Do we all daydream? Does everyone have some that are based on the human quest for glory, greatness, thrill? The unknown, the edge, the adventure? Pushing themselves to where they've never gone before?
It takes all kinds to make a world. It's the Mother's that raise the daredevils, the scientists, the athletes. It's the faithful labourers that make life possible for us by living their lives for themselves. The farmers that live the simple, good, and fulfilling life. And I say, good for them.
But, I only ask this. Do we all want to push out somewhere, somehow?

I love it when I can list good things about my life.
1. I spent all day shopping and buying stuff. And not in my hometown.
2. Meg is home for four days.
3. Summer is beginning.
4. I have a four day weekend coming up.
5. There are two cool things I can do tomorrow evening.
6. I have two new cool tapes that I got for 25 cents each.
7. I spent yesterday hanging out and talking with friends I don't see enough off.
8. My future is undecided. And I'm liking it.
9. I'm going to get flames on my car.
10. And my bro is going to help me clean it out.
11. I'm going garage saleing.
That's good things. To even things out a bit my bad list goes as so.
1. I'm sunburnt.
2. I have to work again tomorrow.
3. I can't do both things tomorrow evening.
4. Judo is just about over.
5. I'm going to turn 20 this summer.
6. I'm working this summer well Meg goes to Malaysia.
7. I spent a lot of money today.
8. My future is undecided. And I don't know what I want.
So, before I get myself off my high, I'm going to quit with this list and sign out.

I have thrice had people tell me they don't recognize me when I'm not wearing my gi. Should I take this as a compliment?