I'm a weird combination of emotions right now. I can't even place them. I could just call it PSL, post-summer-letdown. I seem to get that more often then PMS.
Mind you, it almost feels like it's still summer out there. It's that beautiful indian summer we get almost every year. Only you don't need to hang at the river to survive. We have had that first fall day, though. The tang in the air and the smell of bonfires...
I don't know what it is. Not doing anything too meaningful. Stuck in this small-town when I tried to escape. Sleeping in a bus as it threatens to get too cold. Packing and picking apples. The fact that eleven people in this house is finally starting to get to me...
Joel took me out on his Dual sport the other day. You forget how beautiful our community is when you only ever bike between my road and town. Absolutely gorgeous. And the mild adrenaline from hopping minor logs or skidding around corners was the top-off.
What am I going to do? Get my English 12. It will be good to be able to focus on that once it arrives. What am I doing just starting simple courses when I'm 23? It was easier to claim I didn't do academics. Do the short-term Commitment-phobe thing.
Why don't I just focus on travel? Rake up the experiences I seem to crave. Why is leaving town so difficult to pull off? Am I running away from investing in relationships?
Renn says he talked with the rest of my siblings about how I have a lot of wounds that only ever scarred over.
What do I really want? And easy pass, maybe. Or essentially to be an adventuring hippy the rest of my life. who knows? Not me.