Saturday, September 04, 2010

Autumn Beats Me Up

(Source)
I know it's still the end of summer.  A season for freedom and carelessness and passion.  I know I was jumping from cliffs into beautifully fresh water this weekend.  Around this time we're usually melding into a beautiful Indian summer.  However, this year I've already tasted the crisp tang of fall.

The first emotion autumn brings me is an extreme urge to move on.  Summer's dying and I need to travel, quit my job... leave.  I need to learn, wander, wonder.  Time to work and move on and join autumn sports.  September is a learned habit to pack up, start school, travel, move.

Change.

And then, or at the same time, I start to want to settle down.  Cooling air makes me want fuzzy blankets and someone to share them with.  I want fall colours and cable stitch sweaters to wear with my bluejeans.  I want to make jam from our harvest, collect firewood, hunt and knit burnt orange touques to keep me warm through the winter cold.  I want an acreage and an orchard.  Some dark cool dirt to dig in and a fireplace to come inside to.

Settling in.

Here we can climb wooden ladders with laden canvas totes.  Gala, Honeycrisp, Delicious, Macintosh.  You better believe I can bake a mean pie.  I can milk a cow, make yogurt, cut meat to stock the freezer.  I've pressed juice, made pickles and dug potatoes.  This is where I'm from.

But I have a backpack by my bed.  And a tendency to search airline tickets when I'm supposed to be paying bills.  I have mind-stretching universities in my bookmarks and a tank full of gas that begs me to use it every time I drive to the edge of town.  Rusty Spanish that begs to be stretched out.  Energy to wear out on the ice, the judo mats, the ski hill.

Fall brings out both sides of my excess energy.  Estrogen and testosterone in a mad and endless clash. This fall neither will be much of an option.  I'll need my silly little side projects.  No month long road trips or beer in hostel basements.  No international markets, or no running my own local booth.  I'll be wearing out my fight in a dojo and wondering why I'm settling for middle ground.

6 comments:

Allison said...

Fall makes me panic - 'cause it feel like time is running out.

Kris said...

This 100% as well! You comment totally clicked cause I couldn't agree with you more.

Then again. Worrying about how time is passing is one of my favourite lame habits...

Nitin said...

lols.. i just got back from my weekend journey at the moment. and i am a bit tired.. and very dirty :P. i have can taste the road even in my dinner here :P.. lols..

Jennifer said...

I really enjoyed this entry. Nice blog. :)

TabithaVenasse said...

Fall gets me kind of excited. It's my favourite time of year. My heart starts to pound faster at the first sight of turning leaves, and thinking about the fresh start September always provides. It reignites my passions, hopes and dreams.

And then i remember it means it's that much closer to winter and I panic a little.

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