Saturday, August 07, 2010

Because We Don't Like the Way it Hurts

I was torn about embedding this so if you're going to watch this video then please also read the post.

Now I've only just got around to actually watching this music video, and it is full on pissing me off.  They have the attractive actors, the big names (hello Eminem and Rihanna), and all the documented passion of a physical relationship.

Is it just me, or are they enabling abuse?  Rihanna?  Seriously?  You never liked the way it hurt, and it's wrong for you to tell the seventeen year olds watching MTV that they should.

The worst is the conclusion reached...

"If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again I'm gonna tie her to the bed and set the house on fire."

I'm all for entertainment that enters a real life emotion.  I'll never cringe from an honest exploration.  And I'm not doubting that this one accurately portrays one side of the emotion involved with abuse.  It screams, actually, of relative accuracy.  Especially Eminem's dialog.

But I'm not impressed. I'm a fighter.  The hardest act is leaving.  That's what we need to be enabling.


TabithaVenasse said...

It honestly shocks me that after what Rihanna went through she would tie herself to a song with a message like that.

I hear people raving about the song and I honestly have to wonder if they've even actually listened to it. I heard it once and turned it off halfway through because I was so infuriated.

Carly Findlay said...

I think it may be an honest account of what she felt - she loved the way it hurt so didn't get out sooner, but it is a bad message.
And just listening to Eminem's lyrics - they are so violent, hatefueled and derogatory, that I am not sure whether people can see the supposed message behind the song.
I cringe when it is on radio. It is so offensive and violent. Certainly not commercial radio or child friendly.
I watched the video today, as I was considering writing about it on my blog. You are right - it's the wrong message.
Thank you for posting your opinion.

Tasha said...

This song should not be played on the radio nor should it be aired on MTV or Much Music.

I mean, it is hard enough for young girls to deal with mixed signals when it comes to dating or knowing if a guy is into them or not; and it is also tough for girls to deal with body image issues and now there is a song telling them that it is ok to "love the way a guy lies".

I do not know where to start or end in terms of how sad it is that this song was even written and that the idea went from their mind to the pen and paper.

I know there are songs out there that tell women how to leave relationships where they are abused but to love how someone lies to you - no I think I will pass.

thanks for posting this. (frist time seeing the video)

Kris said...

Thanks for the replies, ladies.

Carly, as much as Eminem's lyrics are offensive and hate filled I actually find them the more honest in the song. Having had fairly close encounters with abuse I simply don't think sexy (or simple) masochistic tendencies are a true (neither valid) reason for accepting it.

However, we do agree regardless in that the portrayal is disturbing, and encouraging in all the wrong ways.

Thanks again. I look forward to possibly reading your own review on your blog.

To you other two (as well), I'm so glad I'm not the only one upset by this video.

Hotcakes said...

I guess it's target audience are those girls who are "martyrs"..

and this will be their life "theme song" you know.. when you're so emo and all you do now is listen to songs that match your mood.

anyway... well its eminem... ... he always say stupid stuff...

lalalalauren said...

Well said! I've been hearing this song everywhere lately and I've been bothered by the message it sends. I really don't get why this song is so big right now. It makes me sad for society.

Heather said...

The first time I heard this song, I was surprised by its message too... but I don't think Eminem wrote it for people to take so literally. It's a song that tries to capture and explain WHY these awful relationships occur... and Rihanna being in the track just makes the unsaid message (to get out) clearer... since she got out of her own abusive relationship.

I'm probably in the minority, but I like the video and the song. They are honest and not fluffed up so that everyone will like them.

Kris said...

i've really appreciated hearing all your opinions! Mostly I'm just worried about the glamorization of abuse here. I'm not surprised by anything Eminem chooses to say at this point, I'm just worried about putting Rihanna in the mix with a pop happy music vid.

Maggie said...

Just found you in the controversy post on 20SB. I am glad you posted this, I had actually never seen the video before but the words in the song (especially the line you already highlighted) always left me a little unsettled. And you would think Rihanna would think about the message it conveys... anyways, good post!