Someone asked me how I had changed in the last several years, and then actually stood and waited for an answer. I couldn't give one. I thought and hummed and hawed but I really could sum up whatever it is that's different in me then when I was sixteen. I know I'm different. I even know what some of those differences are. But it's only in my mind. I can't tell you how I've changed.
"Oh comon. You're the one that's so good with words"
*secretly happy* "No I'm not"
Anyway, I got away with saying I'd grown up a bit. But now it's bothering me, the not being able to put it into words. So I bring you this,
I've taken to chewing gum. Nothing new, dramatic, or surprizing about that. I carry it around in my purse (called artillery bag by my dear father). There are, however, several new and surprizing things that I only just realized. And it was sad.
I'm not constantly chewing it. Just, every now and then I'll say to myself, "self, you feel like some gum". This from the girl who never used to be able to make her chocolate Easter bunnies last longer then a few days. But now that gum sits in my purse and only comes out when the mood strikes.
This is what bothers me. I buy the stuff that slides out of the cardboard and comes in squares hardly bigger then smarties that rest in foil covered individual areas. You get the picture. I go for names like dentyne and excel. And every kind I buy is sugarless. I don't do it on purpose. But when I get around to looking it will inevitably state "sugar free". Take that sugar chick! I get flavours like cherry ice, cool spearmint, and *gasp* dentyne intense.
I don't know when this happens. I used to be the queen of bubbulicious. I had all the flavours listed in order of favouritness, starting with paradise punch and ending with lemonade. I would chew a pack at a time, letting it sit on the microwave overnight and making it last a week. I could blow bubbles bigger then my head. So large, in fact, that I would even impress myself. Now I actually throw the stuff away after one chewing and am content with a square at a time. Bubbles, whatever.
I very nearly used to snub the stuff I chew now. Hey, didn't only adults chew it in order to freshen their breath? You couldn't chew it. and bubbles were out of the question. What the heck was gum if not bubbles, sugar, and artificial flavour? Heck, the stupid mint "gum" near burned my mouth. the stuff wasn't even enjoyable!
So that why it scares me. Because that very nearly slipped by without me noticing. And, really, I think I like the idea of being a bubblicious self better.
But hey, I still buy the Juicy Fruit when I feel young and carefree. Small squares, yes. Sugarless, admittidely. But not a hint of mint!