I can't believe how I never post here anymore. Of course, I just really don't get on the computer this much.
I want to put time into a post again. I want to think of what I want to say and how I want to say it. Instead, I'm in the library watching the time tick, and thinking, "I'd better get going."

How long will it take before I quit looking for orange circles and green bars on every big white van I see?

Well, I better get in a post for August before it's over, although don't expect it to be anything special. I'm hitting the library on my lunch break to catch up with a few days computer.
A week from tonight at eleven I'll be bording a chartered bus to take me home. Time is ticking down, and I think we're all pretty eager. And very busy! Unless I'm thinking about it I think the time will go really fast. The next two nights are just shut-down and final prez, though. The thing about doing final prez on powerpoint is that only one person can work on it at a time. I think we're being overly ambitious maybe, since we're wanting it to run fifteen minutes. Even though all the songs we chose are worthy...I think we might have to cut it down to just one. And then the timing will take a while. Meanwhile, some of us are still learning to use it and trying to churn out slides.
What am I really not looking forward to? Job searching. Especially since there isn't anywhere in my hometown that is absolutely screaming for me to apply. However, this program has given me some pretty good tools, including a killer resume. Well, as killer and the local JobConnect could coach me into making with my rather unimpressive credentials. I'm pretty well set-up to apply for physical stuff. Other then that, experiance isn't super bon.
And, well, that's pretty much it. The big thing in my life right now is the winding down of this program. Closing it up. Looking on to the rest of life.
Oh, and by the way, according to true colours, I'm orange followed by blue with a close green. No surprizes there :).

For the first time in a very long time I feel almost like I've had a normal weekend.
My life has not been normal for quite a while now. I've been tested, pushed, and challenged like crazy within the last couple weeks. As most of you know I lost my best friend and only fellow Christian in the the group. Then there's all the other crap that's gone along with it. God gave me strength through it, and I believe I was able to seek him this whole time. I also got to visit with Megan and my cousin Abby since they came to see me about a week after this transpired (not that it's necessarily over, my friends). I've been incredibly blessed through the support I've had back home. Megan, in particular, has been a huge source of encouragement. I miss her like crazy and it was so good to get a brief touch with where I come from.
Take that out of the picture and I've been part of a program that aims to teach kids to be adults, in a often childlike way. Coming into the program as an adult has proved hard. Not that it hasn't taught me things. Although I can truly say that not a lot of it has been through the program outcomes themselves. It forces us to live in large group, and somehow make it work. We live with people, fight with people, work with people, and meanwhile, sometimes, we touch these people. Or they teach us. We run from place to place learning to recycle, fill in protocols, and make sure our alarm clocks are always set (something I was good at already).
In the last month and a half this program has manifested itself for us in a place called Marathon. A typical, definite small town sitting on lake Superior, with it's marvelous beaches, loads of trails, and abundance of wildflowers. We've been kept busy, almost beyond reason. Especially at first. We're in the paper and people have made use of the fact that if they have a reasonable cause we will come and work for them, on top of the full time jobs we fill.
Then there's the fact that we're here over summer. It somehow makes me re-evaluate to know that in my own small town they're hanging out at the river, camping on the beach, sitting on the top of mountains, eating fresh cherries, and that plans are as set as they get for our yearly family get-togethers. Which I've certainly never missed.
I don't know what I'm doing after this. I don't know why I'm doing this. And I know I've got a little while left yet, as much as I know that time will fly. Things will never be the same. But there's still lots of room for things to be good.
So, I'm billeting. For the first weekend in way to long I've been able to live a little more spontaneously. It's been exactly what it's meant to be so far, a break. I've biked around, down jungle-like trails, without a helmet too (gasp! Final in security). I went swimming in an incredibly cold lake (without a lifeguard) to escape incredibly muggy, if not that warm, weather. I biked down to Extra to try the mento/diet Coke experiment. And all of this wasn't planned, plotted, and discussed at a housemeeting. I certainly didn't fill out any protocols. I spent a whole morning journaling, stayed in church till it was finished, and ate buttertarts for breakfast. So much for wanting to go do stuff on billeting. Thanks for the chance to do nothing.

This blog has become more of an update tool. This is where I am now. This is what I'm doing. This is how I like it. I remember hearing once the irony of blogs. You blog because you don't have a life. Once you get a life to start writing about, you stop. Still, I think I-don't-have-a-life posts are better. At least for anyone with any sort of writing skills. They have time to notice interesting little things to ponder in words. And then the time to sit there and work on it until they get it right. Basically, they have time to be creative.
Everyone has gone out tonight. It's officially English class night. So that's where the francophones are. The anglophones have gone to soccer coaching, and then they're going to a bike auction. I'm housemanager and, hence, had to clean up supper. So I'm sitting here listening to whatever music I like (including singing phantom and dancing), and taking time to "update" my blog. Yet, I'm not going to tell you where I am, what I'm doing, or how I like it.
But I'm still not going to be creative.

And it's time to pack again. I like rotation days. I like going new places. I just don't like the packing that has to take place. Doesn't help that we have to completely clean up the house too. I've scored some pretty good stuff from other group members as they clean-out too. But I've also had to get rid of some of my own. The snowboarder in my group gave me her old suit. Which is cool, since I'm completely just throwing mine out. But I was counting on the room it was going to create.
Anyway, point is I'm packing. And it ain't all that fun. For a girl who'd only taken one plane trip before this, and only had carry on at that, I'm getting pretty experianced. I still have the coolest set-up in the group. A 1970's powder blue suitcase I scored for a dollar and my Mom's twenty dollar Wal*mart backpack. Although both the guys only have one piece of luggage so they can haul around their guitars.
So I push all my current belongings in a couple bags, and fly to make a new room in a new town mine again. I like it for now. New experiances, I think it could get addictive. But I'm still glad it's not forever.

I'd like to take a moment to commemorate six long years of service from my discman. I remember that Christmas morning, so long ago, when my sister and I unwrapped them together. They matched, except hers was purple, and mine, blue. Back then they were pretty cool. Pretty cutting edge. None of my friend's had one. Most didn't even have walkmans. But my family was pretty on top of the music thing. Priorities.
So, they made that first trip with me to Mexico. This is where the matching blue headphones departed. I think I sat on them well crawling into my bunk. Many years later, and lots of tape jobs, I finally removed them from there possibly-revive state of rest, and threw them out. Still, the discman continued to serve me faithfully. It's main job was several more trips, as well as a brief stint when my sister and I shared a stereo, but had different rooms (I was fifteen but we'd already had a c.d. player for a long number of years). I found a dollar store case (ugly but somewhat functional). It waited it's use patiently in the top of my "filing cabinet" (*G*)
Then, I packed it up with my precious music and brought it with me here. It's place slid quietly to second. The result of advanced technology and my embracing an e-bay mp3. So much more convenient. Small, no c.d. case, no outdated batteries. But still it was important. Especially because my mp3 was one gigabyte, and, as much as it held a lot, there was still a lot of music it didn't fit. Plus, there's something about hard copies. And they're shared c.d. binders. Also, my other new toy (a set of cordless headphones), was a functional part of it's operation.
It survived the first move safely. However, due to lack-of-caution on my part it has suffered a blow in it's latest transport. I found today, one side of it's lid is snapped off. It still plays, just now takes on a crooked lopsided look. If I'm as careful with it as I have been, and should've been, it'll give me more years of service. Meg's passed on many years ago after a series of setbacks including pulling it off the tailgate of the truck.
So, here's to my c.d. player. A memory of bringing me an important part of life, music, wherever I couldn't take my stereo.

Into my second week of billeting now... I'm definitely looking forward to living with the group again, but not to leaving the fort. As much as I'm not a city girl, that stuck in the woods thing starts to get to anyone after awhile.
So, for now, I have my hour commute with Randy everyday. He's half deaf, so does most of the talking. Which he doesn't mind, so probably would anyway. And then there's the evening news with Rose. I can't shake the feeling that I'll never quite live up to her expectations, no matter what I do right. She talks about a Japanese student she's had in the past who was "just wonderful".
But today I took off for the day. Which has been nice. Weekends would get awfully long if I spent all day in that house. So, judo tournament, and walking downtown. I was pretty lucky that the provincials are here this weekend...
Phone converstions help to break things up too. I talked to Meg for a really long time last night since she was in bed already. And, of course, I can look forward to my seventy-two straight after. Where I'll go down to Redeer and meet up with my family. Coincidentely, something I'm really looking forward to. It will be so nice to be able to celebrate Easter with them as well.
And then, back to the woods.

Whew. And here I was a little worried that I'd miss a whole month without a blog update. That hasn't happened since I started this beast.
Thing is, I just wrote a group e-mail too. And I'm a little out of the update spirit. Plus, those of you who read this will already have read that. Anyway, Elk Island is o.k. Ask questions if you have 'em...
Mom:
Tell you why I friended you- Hmm. I don't know if this one applies. Still, we're related =).
Assosiate you with a song movie- "I love you up to the moon" by Kim...whatever her name is.
Tell a random fact about you- Man, what to pick. You went to art school.
A first memory- Oh man. Umm, One of my earliest memories is you telling me that if I didnt eat my cupcake I'd never get another one. Which was rather scary, thinking of a whole life without cupcakes...
Assosiate you with an animal or fruit-Orange
Ask something I always wanted to know about you- Heheh. Not much that I'm willing to post on the internet.
Ess:
Why I friended you- 'Cause you started pming, seemed cool, and wouldn't leave me alone =).
Song or Movie- Seventies disco music. Don't really know why.
Tell a random fact-she loves dark chocolate, and drinks a lot of mountain dew energy and red bull. Hang on...Caffine addict! *G*
A first memory-Elly is more defined as the other all Canadian girl. You were her little sister.
Animal or Fruit- one of those white baby seals from the artic.
Something I've always wanted to know-Umm. Nothing particular. Are you glad you were homeschooled?
Cor (I don't know if I should do you since you're not passing it on...=):
Why I friended you-Because I tended to befriend other little girls. Especially if they were nice (early years *G*) and homeschooled tended to up the chances as well.
Song or movie- Oh brother. Can I skip this one? I don't know.
Random fact-She doesn't like people to hear her sing on her own.
First memory- That tobogganing hill when you untangled my snowsuit from the thorns. See, told you that you were nice. And then that picnic at the park...
Animal or fruit-o.k. Somebody has to be a kiwi...
Something I've always wanted to know- once again, I might've asked. Why?
That's all for now folks.

Comment on this entry and I will:
1. Tell you why I friended you
2. Associate you with a song/movie
3. Tell a random fact about you
4. Tell a first memory about you
5. Associate you with an animal or fruit.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
7. In response, you must spread this disease in your blog (if you have one).
O.k. That`s that. This house is insane. We`re ''packed''. Hard to believe we`re leaving. Saying goodbye to the school was hard. The Cegep, not so much. I`m glad to anounce that I did manage to finish my movie. And then I was talking to my host mom (who works there), and she said it was good and that she`s using it for recruiting next year.
I think the group is ready to move on. Even I am definitely getting excited about the next stop. There are both good and bad things to anticipate. I think a lot of us will be taking advantage at the chance of a new start. We won`t be able walk everywhere, like we can here. No more Tim Hortons, or Rafiot. We`ll pretty much double the population where we`re going to be at. Like I said, both good and bad.
It`ll be interesting. It always is. Goodbye to Val d'Or. It`s time, I think.

Meet my group. Top picture, top bunk L to R: Elyse, Clara, Rosie. Bottom bunk Tim, yours truly, Cass, and Tom.

Middle picture. Starting far left and clockwise: Jess, Laura, Elyse, Tim, Big Thom, Clara, Cass, Little Tom, and me again.

Bottom picture. Snowboarding baby! L to R, Me (surprize!), Elyse, Tim, Clara, Rosie.

Big Thom`s home! Things are starting to look up!

It's times like this that I hate Katimavik. I love the group, I just hate the way we operate. Why the heck do we have to do a final pres anyway? Where is it going to get anyone? No one will even care next week. Least of all me. I'll just be glad it's over. Why are we having open house? Who'll really come? Why all this planning, stress, and organizing for something that's gonna bomb anyway?
Why don't we get things done when we know we have to? Guess what, I'm the organized one right now. Can you imagine that? Last night in the middle of trying to get something together There was a nice blow-up over Clara's dreadlocks. Yup, the only good thing is that I was proud of Rosie for (mostly) keeping her head and actually staying in the room (most of the time).
Then one of the guys went and stuck his penis with a safety pin, since his fly was broken. It was the only funny part of last night ("It must be a sign when you stab your own penis on Valentines Day."). Then Jess made him clean up the blood in the bathroom. Other then that we had issues with pictures, French, decorations (Laura and Rosie), and just about everything else.
Plus, Big Thom is in Montreal. No gurantees that he'll be back in time, and we need his laptop. We also need a projector, which we also don't have .
And life is good.
In twenty four hours it'll be over and I'll have half a days proofreading (at $1.50 wage) for the highschool English teacher until we begin our fourty eight hours (where I'll do whatever the heck I want). Ask me then. I might strongly recommend Katimavik again at that point.

Who am I? how do I express that? How can I let you know? I`m so much more then my blue-jeans, sneakers, and t-shirt. So much for then the way I observe you from underneath my layered bangs. More then my hazel-brown eyes, even, or the shape of my lips.
Aren`t you more then what you first seem to be?
I can`t explain myself to you. If you want to know me you`ll have to try. You`ll have to care. Ask me, talk to me, get to know me. It`s a long process, I know. It`ll have to be. Everytime you learn something it`ll open up ten more possibilities. You`ll have to watch me react a thousand times before you can even consider predicting. But the discovery can be fun.
Won`t it be that way with you?
I`m interesting too. Aren`t we all? don`t we all have different experiances, something new to teach, if we`re open to learning? I want to live your story as well. If you`ll let me. There`s something about me. Start with that.

I went skating by myself last night. I needed it. Yet at the same time I felt discouraged, lonely, and nostalgic. I like feeling stuff. And I loved it. The cold wind in my face. I forgot the feeling of spinning on skates. The rush of pushing yourself across the surface with your own power. If I closed my eyes, or squinted at least, I could pretend I was on a pond back home. I wanted a stick, and a puck, and an opposing team. I revelled in being on my own and then desperately wanted my family and friends.
I lay down in the snow. And watched the tiny needle flakes flying past the flood lights about my head. It was time to go home. Singing the whole way to my mp3. Just because that's what I wanted to do.

It is so bloody cold out there. I walk two blocks to work and I can hardly move when I get in. Apparently it got to -39 with the windchill. O.k. That`s cold. I don`t know how dairy farmers here keep on working through that.
Enough complaining? Life is exciting. I`m done at Cegep for the week. This makes me glad. And I`m getting a schedule at Golden Valley. Which also makes me glad.
I get to meet my billet family tonight. Hmmm. Thom won`t tell me anything about who they are except for that I`ll really like where I`m going. He won`t even tell me why he apparently knows this. And Cass apparently told him to send me there. So we`ll see. Updates will be forthcoming.
Meanwhile, group life is fun. Group life is always fun. It`s been a good couple weeks, actually. I think we`re moving on. Which is good.

I`m in the middle of making bread. Guess what. I`m like the bread guru of the house because I`ve made three good batches. I`m actually the only one in the house that`s made much so far. This week I`m house manager. So it`s actually my job this time. I`m thinking it`s about time I screwed a batch up so that people stop counting on me so much.
Listening to beachboys over our cheap speakers. They`re singing about Kokomo, and I`m in Val d`Or. Which is good enough. It really is good enough.
This week was pretty much the first week where we had much conflict of any kind. But we also had the rest of the cluster in our house for four days. And, comparatively, I think we`re still doing pretty good. In some ways my group didn`t get the coolest participants. Especially guywise. But we also haven`t got a single cti, which isn`t bad. Since I bet some of the other participants will be kicked out by the end of trimester.
I talked to my family yesterday. It seemed like a long time since I`d called. Mostly because it was. It was good.
And now, I have to check my bread. And help explain to Jess that there`s no way she saw a cockroach in the house.