Thursday, June 17, 2010

Not an Award Post

Don't run away.  This is not an award post, and it's not a meme.  It's some sadist wondering where I think I'll be in ten years.

So, I like Alex.  Really, I do.  He's smart, artist, and really good at computers without being all geek about it.  He's also got his life together (as a theatre professional, photographer, and long-term relationship guy).

So, I read his post with a sort of fear and dread.  Yes, all justified.  Apparently Alex wants to know where I think I'll be in ten years.  Thanks, man.  Here we go.

I don't have a clue.  See, in ten years I'll be 33.  Thirty-three!  I have a hard time thinking past the summer.  Unlike many intelligent blogger friends I don't have a career.  I don't have an education, a kid or even a relationship (serious or otherwise).

All I do have is a vast array of experiences, a love of written words, a passion for challenges and a wanderlust.

I also have a bit of a fear of commitment.  Probably based on a strong sense of follow-through.  But that follow through is best served in, oh, eight month doses, for a stretch.

Last year I returned home from traveling around the world, failing to bond with my sister, and finally managing to heal from one heck of a boyfriend.  What I didn't realize was that this definite conquering of a life-time goal would leave me in such a predicament.  Do I want to settle down, farm, travel more, go to school?  I couldn't and can't decide.  I'm in the same place now, a few experiences richer and a year older.  The only thing I know is that sitting stagnant is hard on me.  Change is a necessity.   So, where ten years will take me I really can't say.

I could be married to a farm boy with a baby on my hip.  I could be living in an seventh story apartment rambling through assignments that are making me hate a topic I love.  Or I could be waitressing with a drive to see a new place and meet new people.

Know what?  I like it that way.  Maybe it'll hurt me in the end, but that thought of having a pretty good idea of ten years down the road kinda stresses me out.


Kiera said...

I don't like 10 year plans, I don't like being boxed in like that. I like giving myself room for things to change. I have a general idea of where I would like to be in say 2 or 3 years, but how to go about getting there, I don't know yet. It may involve just packing everything I can haul into a car or a plane and just moving. x amount of year plans usually don't include spontaneity.

Anonymous said...

I understand why you are so stressed thinking what you will be in ten years. Well, I really don't know too what will i be ten years from now. But i do wish i am settled at that time. All i really want is to have a simple life and have my own family.

Allison said...

I am the same - only I will be 36 in 10 year! Yikes.

I could be living in a box in Hamilton, Ontario (pretty poor city) by then.

I have my education, but I'm wasting it because I'm lost and there seems to be no end point to my "soul searching."

It's fun and sad at the same time.

kisekae said...

I am so happy to see you say this! I feel the exact same way, in class we keep talking about the importance of having specific goals but I like the idea of having no clue where my life will take me. Its an adventure this way!

Kris said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone! Certainty scares me, and I'm pretty sure that's a little backwards.

Amogh Upadhyay said...

im clueless too. Up till now all my plans have been unsuccessful coz life has always had this surprise waiting.