Life comes in phases, I think. Although you don't really notice it until you look back. There's the big sections and then little sections. And they never divide by exact years. Like, I won't look back and see 1-5, 6-10, 11-14. You know? I'll look back and see, little-kid-years, Funnest-years, growing-years, mid-teen-years. They all kind of meld together. Which brings me to here. Maybe confusing-years. Or figure-things-out-years, or mess-up-years.
Why is it that things are always so clearer when you look back? They make a heck of a lot more sense, everything is just so obvious. And the big deals, they don't matter. The hours I used to spend crying over math, big deal. Letting go of my funnest-year's friends, it just had to happen. Why did I make it so tough? It's a lesson I had to learn, and I fought it with left-hook and tackle (since I'm opposed to fighting tooth and nail). Change always bugged me. I'm learning it. But it's a slow process, and I don't think I'll ever be able to embrace it. It's not that I mind moving around, exploring, trying. I just like to be able to go back to how things were. Now I can face it, without flinching, but inwardly I'm mourning the loss when I should be embracing the gain.
I remember standing, watching out the window, and crying. Because Dad was cutting down a tree. It'd been there forever. Things would never be the same without that tree. But somehow it just went on, and I've never missed it much, if at all.
whether they fade out or just go all at once, things rarely stay forever. And the ones that do, they're real treasures. You have to learn the process of saying goodbye and letting go, and how to choose when to hang on.
So when I look back on the becoming-adult-years what will they look like? Will I be glad with the things I did and what I'd become? Will it even be a big deal?
My Dad says, "life happens, you just have to make decisions when they come and pray that they're the right ones." Maybe he's right.
But the choices I have to make now really will affect my whole life.
We'll see. That's really all I can say. We'll see.
Something like ninety percent of people in old folks homes wish they took more chances. I know, the ones who took the chances are all dead.
But it's something to think about.