Thursday, April 22, 2004

I don't feel any better then I did on Sunday. In fact, perhaps even worse. And I hate it. I'm sick being sick. I havn't done anything all week (except English this morning) and I've missed out...lots.
O.k. Lord, it's Thursday now, if you held off this sickness on me because I wasn't suppose to go to the judo tournament, I'm not going. Can I get better now? By Monday?
Maybe I'd better stop giving him deadlines.
Which leads me to an interesting and unsolvable topic. How much does God interfere? I mean, is my body just fighting this at it's normal rate and he's letting it do it? Or is he actually like, "yeah, I think she should have it for two weeks. That should subdue her for a bit." Or is it a personal thing. Like, he didn't think that he should interfere for my personal desire to go to a judo tournament but he might interfere if...I dunno...something else.
And if he has complete control over everything (except, in my belief, our free will) then how can he not interfere. Like, If he decided that I was going to get sick at this time for this long and knew I had a tournament coming up that I wanted to attend then how can he not interfere?
Not that I'll ever figure God out, and not like I'm supposed to, but it can't hurt to wonder.
And anyway, the impatient part of me is tired of this. I have a life I'm supposed to be living. And it's being put on hold. If I didn't have anything in my weekly schedule I suppose it would be easier for me to swallow it and sit back and rest. But just walking to English today (about five mins) left me dizzy and weak and in need of a chair. I can't do anything, and that's what bothers me (coughing like heck at night and getting feverish and all isn't very pleasant either...). I guess I'm a baby about being sick.

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